adult adolescence

Hey blog. It's me, Jia. Sometimes I think about how fucked up my life has been. I was happy. I was excited over every single thing. I was carefree, dealing with anxiety I could say that I had a carefree life.  I thought life was gonna get better. But look at me now. I've nowhere near better. I'm worse. All the depressing songs I've listened to years ago became reality. I could relate. I literally cried when I hear those songs. They made every sense in the world. Hit every nerves, every points, joints in my body. I'm crazy. Literally. Crazy. Diagnosed with illness. No offense to cancer patients but my illness now, if I can choose other illnesses I'd choose cancer. Talking about cancer, I wanna talk about Jeremy. Sometimes I feel jealous that he got to passed in such condition where everybody prayed for him, he passed at the holiest place on earth, everybody loved him. Maybe that's why I thought of him every now and then. But these past few months, I had...

Hey blog. It's me, Jia. So yesterday I went to Jengka. Damn everything has changed. There's a massive stadium, lotsa new f&b's, stuff that I don't really pay attention to. Coincidently it was first day of college registration so we managed to sneak in. The campus is so huge now, I almost lost my way. Still remember few buildings, classes, computer labs, oh our hostel is now occupied by male students so we didn't get to walk inside. There was a Thai Food Fest in Jengka.  I always wanted to go back to Jengka for years. I thought my memories would come back once I stepped in but boy was I wrong! I felt almost non-existence. Like the things I went through in 2007 - 2010 are just, dreams. A dream. A very long dream. A three-year dream that shaped my way of thinking. A dream that once gave me happiness, heartbreaks, frustration, trying to find out my own identity. When I first stepped inside, everything was almost like a dejavu. Like I've dreamed about th...