Reminiscing things in Jengka

Hey blog. It's me, Jia.

So yesterday I went to Jengka. Damn everything has changed. There's a massive stadium, lotsa new f&b's, stuff that I don't really pay attention to. Coincidently it was first day of college registration so we managed to sneak in. The campus is so huge now, I almost lost my way. Still remember few buildings, classes, computer labs, oh our hostel is now occupied by male students so we didn't get to walk inside. There was a Thai Food Fest in Jengka. 

I always wanted to go back to Jengka for years. I thought my memories would come back once I stepped in but boy was I wrong! I felt almost non-existence. Like the things I went through in 2007 - 2010 are just, dreams. A dream. A very long dream. A three-year dream that shaped my way of thinking. A dream that once gave me happiness, heartbreaks, frustration, trying to find out my own identity. When I first stepped inside, everything was almost like a dejavu. Like I've dreamed about these before. But it wasn't real. I tried to convince myself that it was real but until today, I still have slight doubts over the fact that I spent 3 years in that place.

I do have weird feeling while looking at the buildings, places I went to, places I was once very familiar with. It's just so weird. I felt almost breathless. Everything was unreal to me. It's so real but the feeling was unreal. I really had no idea how to express my emotion other than just, stare. So weird. So so so weird. My memories didn't really came back either.

Passing through a class in Blok J, I remembered that once band practice was held there. I remembered Zul. I remembered Coldplay. I remembered how he asked me to buy Coldplay's merch in 2010 during my trip to London. Coldplay songs randomly went through my brain, like someone was playing that song while I was walking through Blok J. 

Passing Blok J we went up the stairs and stopped in front of the library. That place. That very place. The first time I had physical contact with Zul. I remembered the pavement. That pavement leading to the library. I was from Blok I, he said he waited in front of the library. When he saw me, he went down that pavement a little. I walked up to him, holding my pink hardisk. I was standing on the pavement, ascending. He was standing on the pavement, descending. I handed him the hardisk, asking him to put any movies that he got. He said thanks. I was over the moon. My crush talked to me. My crush borrowed my stuff. I thought I had a shot. I remembered there was a Garfield movie in that disk. Don't really remember the rest.

I remembered HEP building. in 2010 he returned my camera. He gave me a Cadbury Chocolate Bar. Probably a thank you gift? I thought I had a shot. The very last day I'm in Jengka I texted him that I'm returning home. He said about wanting to keep in touch as friends. I just got friend-zoned. Silly me. I should've move on back then. But some things happened afterwards that I still had feelings towards him. He was the reason I didn't look around, closed my heart for people who came up to me. Truthfully, my heart is still closed.